This past weekend we were back in Austin. It was bittersweet.
While Fort Worth is this new and interesting place begging to be explored, the city feels a little like wearing someone else's clothes. The clothes look okay on me, but I have just not yet made them my own. The key word of that sentence being "yet".
But back to Austin.
This short weekend trip brought out a weird mood in me. I was so happy to be there, but it was hard at the same time. Bittersweetness at its finest. And yet I feel silly feeling that way. Austin is just a city. My friends there are still my friends, no matter where I live.
But sitting there listening to my friends talk about their latest happenings and making plans for future fun, I felt left out. Like all my favorite people were having a big ol' fabulous party without me. And for those of you that know me well, you know that this girl NEVER misses a party.
So on Sunday when we packed up the truck to head back to Fort Worth, I was sad. Very sad. Quiet sad. What were we in such a rush to drive back to? A rental house that we are not all that excited about. A city where we only know a handful of people. Careers filled with uncertainty. All of a sudden, our current life seemed so crushingly depressing.
A big part of me wanted to get to Fort Worth, pack all my bags and boxes right back up, grab my baby, husband, and dog, and just hit reverse on that huge UHaul that carried all of our stuff and take us all the way back to Austin. I wanted a rewind. I wanted a life do-over. Maybe Fort Worth was a mistake. Maybe staying in Austin would have been so much easier.
But then I stopped and breathed and collected my thoughts.
The name of this blog is called And Other Adventures for a reason. My life is not meant to be boring and predictable. It never has been and it never will be. I am not a person who usually takes the safe route, or even the expected route. My personality craves adventure. I am not content simply waiting for adventure to come and find me. And adventures are not about the safety of familiar people and places. Adventures are about stretching out of your comfort zones, taking risks and the hope of possibility. Adventures are meant to answer the "what if" questions of life.
But adventures come with their own set of trials. People don't climb to the top of Mt. Everest because it is easy. Or run a marathon because it will be full of unicorns and rainbows. No, they do it for the chance to overcome all the obstacles thrown in their way. So at the end when they are standing on their mountain top or crossing their finish line, they can truly experience joy with every ounce of their being because they know that they have earned it. They know what it took to get there.
I know what it took to get here to Fort Worth. I know the hopes and dreams that we have in our hearts that made us choose to live here and rebuild our life from scratch. And while Fort Worth may seem like the destination, it is really just one pit stop on the mountain. We still have a lot more climbing to do. The thought of that is inspiring and exhausting all at the same time.
New friendships are hard work. New careers can be exhausting. But oh the possibilities.... yes, the possibilities are grand.
And really, I should (and do) feel like one lucky girl.... because Holy Smack! You should see my cheering section! Spread out all over the world, with its headquarters in Austin, my cheering section is always hollering words of encouragement from the bottom of the mountain. And they yell loud.
I know that this adventure seeking is hard work. But I also know that the need for the victory, glory moments, and the self-confidence that comes with overcoming obstacles might as well be weaved into my DNA. Adventure seeking is just part of who I am. I would not have been content to take the safe route.
For me seeking adventure is about finding comfort in the unexpected, connecting with others, being recognized for hard work, being good at something, to love and be loved. But most of all, it is to feel happiness in its purest state.
So on that note, it is time to dust myself off, pick up my bags and climb to the next check point because I have an appointment with a mountain top.
While Fort Worth is this new and interesting place begging to be explored, the city feels a little like wearing someone else's clothes. The clothes look okay on me, but I have just not yet made them my own. The key word of that sentence being "yet".
But back to Austin.
This short weekend trip brought out a weird mood in me. I was so happy to be there, but it was hard at the same time. Bittersweetness at its finest. And yet I feel silly feeling that way. Austin is just a city. My friends there are still my friends, no matter where I live.
But sitting there listening to my friends talk about their latest happenings and making plans for future fun, I felt left out. Like all my favorite people were having a big ol' fabulous party without me. And for those of you that know me well, you know that this girl NEVER misses a party.
So on Sunday when we packed up the truck to head back to Fort Worth, I was sad. Very sad. Quiet sad. What were we in such a rush to drive back to? A rental house that we are not all that excited about. A city where we only know a handful of people. Careers filled with uncertainty. All of a sudden, our current life seemed so crushingly depressing.
A big part of me wanted to get to Fort Worth, pack all my bags and boxes right back up, grab my baby, husband, and dog, and just hit reverse on that huge UHaul that carried all of our stuff and take us all the way back to Austin. I wanted a rewind. I wanted a life do-over. Maybe Fort Worth was a mistake. Maybe staying in Austin would have been so much easier.
But then I stopped and breathed and collected my thoughts.
The name of this blog is called And Other Adventures for a reason. My life is not meant to be boring and predictable. It never has been and it never will be. I am not a person who usually takes the safe route, or even the expected route. My personality craves adventure. I am not content simply waiting for adventure to come and find me. And adventures are not about the safety of familiar people and places. Adventures are about stretching out of your comfort zones, taking risks and the hope of possibility. Adventures are meant to answer the "what if" questions of life.
But adventures come with their own set of trials. People don't climb to the top of Mt. Everest because it is easy. Or run a marathon because it will be full of unicorns and rainbows. No, they do it for the chance to overcome all the obstacles thrown in their way. So at the end when they are standing on their mountain top or crossing their finish line, they can truly experience joy with every ounce of their being because they know that they have earned it. They know what it took to get there.
I know what it took to get here to Fort Worth. I know the hopes and dreams that we have in our hearts that made us choose to live here and rebuild our life from scratch. And while Fort Worth may seem like the destination, it is really just one pit stop on the mountain. We still have a lot more climbing to do. The thought of that is inspiring and exhausting all at the same time.
New friendships are hard work. New careers can be exhausting. But oh the possibilities.... yes, the possibilities are grand.
And really, I should (and do) feel like one lucky girl.... because Holy Smack! You should see my cheering section! Spread out all over the world, with its headquarters in Austin, my cheering section is always hollering words of encouragement from the bottom of the mountain. And they yell loud.
I know that this adventure seeking is hard work. But I also know that the need for the victory, glory moments, and the self-confidence that comes with overcoming obstacles might as well be weaved into my DNA. Adventure seeking is just part of who I am. I would not have been content to take the safe route.
For me seeking adventure is about finding comfort in the unexpected, connecting with others, being recognized for hard work, being good at something, to love and be loved. But most of all, it is to feel happiness in its purest state.
So on that note, it is time to dust myself off, pick up my bags and climb to the next check point because I have an appointment with a mountain top.
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