So an update since my last post...
As of last Friday, my project ended and therefore my work contract ended. So not only I am not the VP of Marketing, my consultant gig is up and my corporate income went right out the door with it. Rats!
I wish I could say that I am excited about my new found freedom and extra time with Little B, but really I am just tired. Tired of worrying about money, tired of worrying about the costs of health insurance, tired of making my own yogurt because I refuse to pay $4 for a tub of it, tired of worrying that maybe we can't afford date night. I am just tired.
Self-employment is rough. 9-5 just does not apply. And then when you add a spouse who is also self-employed in one of the hardest hit industries... Yowsa! It makes me wonder why anyone starts a company anymore.
I loved a lot of things that this job could have provided, but one of the big ones was freedom from some of the worries. I didn't worry about buying meat when it wasn't on sale. I didn't question if I could really afford to go on a date night or a girls night out. I didn't worry about how much the gas would cost on a trip to go see friends and family just a few hours away. I didn't worry about the costs of travel to go to my Grandmother's funeral. And because this job brought group health insurance to the table, I didn't have to worry about the thought of giving birth to a second baby in kiddie pool with the dog sitting next to me in the backyard because I have no FREAKIN' idea how we will pay for a hospital birth completely out of pocket. (And to clarify, I am not pregnant, but might like to be someday.)
I think that is what I am grieving the most about the this lost opportunity. I had given myself a preview about what life could have been like. And I was liking how that looked. I liked not having to base all decisions on how much money is in the bank. But now I am back in my life of pinching pennies.
And don't get me wrong, I like my life. I wouldn't trade it with anyone. I appreciate all the amazing goodness and people in it. I am just taking a quick breather in the form of a pity party before I buck up, come up with some other crazy, creative way to cut some costs and look for another gig.
Such is life. No matter how much it knocks you down, you just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off, jump back in and laugh in its face.
As of last Friday, my project ended and therefore my work contract ended. So not only I am not the VP of Marketing, my consultant gig is up and my corporate income went right out the door with it. Rats!
I wish I could say that I am excited about my new found freedom and extra time with Little B, but really I am just tired. Tired of worrying about money, tired of worrying about the costs of health insurance, tired of making my own yogurt because I refuse to pay $4 for a tub of it, tired of worrying that maybe we can't afford date night. I am just tired.
Self-employment is rough. 9-5 just does not apply. And then when you add a spouse who is also self-employed in one of the hardest hit industries... Yowsa! It makes me wonder why anyone starts a company anymore.
I loved a lot of things that this job could have provided, but one of the big ones was freedom from some of the worries. I didn't worry about buying meat when it wasn't on sale. I didn't question if I could really afford to go on a date night or a girls night out. I didn't worry about how much the gas would cost on a trip to go see friends and family just a few hours away. I didn't worry about the costs of travel to go to my Grandmother's funeral. And because this job brought group health insurance to the table, I didn't have to worry about the thought of giving birth to a second baby in kiddie pool with the dog sitting next to me in the backyard because I have no FREAKIN' idea how we will pay for a hospital birth completely out of pocket. (And to clarify, I am not pregnant, but might like to be someday.)
I think that is what I am grieving the most about the this lost opportunity. I had given myself a preview about what life could have been like. And I was liking how that looked. I liked not having to base all decisions on how much money is in the bank. But now I am back in my life of pinching pennies.
And don't get me wrong, I like my life. I wouldn't trade it with anyone. I appreciate all the amazing goodness and people in it. I am just taking a quick breather in the form of a pity party before I buck up, come up with some other crazy, creative way to cut some costs and look for another gig.
Such is life. No matter how much it knocks you down, you just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off, jump back in and laugh in its face.
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